its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so that wasnt chicken after all
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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