I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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