Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I want her autograph on my taint
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize