Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
