She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize