Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
