I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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