She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
