Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize