I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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