just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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