i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
