Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
