If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
