So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
