I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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