i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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