Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
