he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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