I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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