I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
