Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
