sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
