I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
