Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
