I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
babies were throwing up all over the place
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
