you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
