He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
