so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
