??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
