why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
