My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is Oprah even human
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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