He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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