oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
