I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
