I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize