He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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