I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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