No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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