Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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