Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My first STD was from a foam party
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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