I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
