Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
