Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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