I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
