just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
