Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
