I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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