i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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