i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
