U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
