I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
