either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
