I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
