Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
its not stalking. its research.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
