direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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