Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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