He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
