My nipple is on Facebook.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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