Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
