He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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