maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
