We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
