Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think your dad took our porno
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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