thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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