i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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