I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i dont even know how to be here
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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