i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
