Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
