OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
