Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize