so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
