Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
