best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
