I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
