Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
