Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
